I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
