He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
