Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
