she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
