You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
