Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
