Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
