So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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