so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
soo... how was my night?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
