I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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