my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I want her autograph on my taint
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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