Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
