We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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