The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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