i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
