I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
