good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
