i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
