We're facebook friends in real life
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize