Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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