You're my little dorito
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
