my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
