You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
