get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
