i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
