oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
