if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Actions speak louder than pants.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
