I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
