Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
