you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
