Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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