Barsexuality is the new black.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
