i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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