I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
