My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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