Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
