This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
