I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize