Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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