dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
