is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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