We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize