just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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