my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
