I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
