I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
