It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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