AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
