Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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