Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize