how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
