We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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