His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
