why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize