Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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