Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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