I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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