Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
