the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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