He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
