i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I need moral support for this bender
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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