dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
