The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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