My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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