At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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