ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
