Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
