Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
