so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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