??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
