mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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