it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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