theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Oh god it's open bar.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
