No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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