Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Boobs are out for the taking
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
